if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
