Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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