No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
