did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
