we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
