We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
