i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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