God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
