i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
