I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
