apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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