The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
