Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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