Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
