I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
