You're my little dorito
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
