Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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