the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Olympian is in my bed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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