Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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