I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
