she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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