you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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