I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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