Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
