I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
