I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
