The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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