he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
