just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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