the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
