this just has baby written all over it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
