FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.