I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
