So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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