Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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