my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
