He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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