no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think your dad took our porno
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
