Whod you bang
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
