evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
