I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
