I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
