Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
