There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
