I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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