i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
