She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
