I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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