Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
