u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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