True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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