Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
