you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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