He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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