You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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