Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
