She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
