just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
