He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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