but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
