just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can't motorboat a personality
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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