You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
