someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
