just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
