this beer tastes like vomit already
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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