I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
