I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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