I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
