the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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