His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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