I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My dick has a subreddit
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
