is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
