Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
